Sunday, August 9, 2009

Where have I been?

I always wanted to be a wife and mom growing up. I have always been an artsy, crafty, creative person. I have always loved music and reading. English was my favorite subject in school. I always thought I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to teach high school English or art. Then off to college I go and changed to various medical majors. I almost completed one before dropping out. My heart was just never in anything other than being a wife and mom. I still regret not making a decision and sticking to it but I was never certain about it.

After leaving college, I got a job at a bank and had a couple of different positions in the financial industry. I liked some things about my job. Mainly, training and working with people but I was definitely not sad when I left to be a full time stay at home mom. I had my dream!

Well, somewhere in the course of that dream job I felt like I really loss my sense of self. There didn't seem to be enough time to do the things I liked. I had to really find ways to bring out my creative side. Slowly but surely it fell to the way side. The day to day demands taking over. I started a part time business. Training and working with others were the main things I liked about it as well. It was fun and kept me busy while supplying a little income but still not my calling.

I have tons of ideas of ways to help supplement our income. Still, where is my true calling? Is it just to be a wife/mom? If it is, shouldn't I know the answer by now? Is there nothing else out there that I could really shine at? Is there not something the Lord wants me to do? I have been on this same path for a couple of years. Searching, praying, and seeking. Still no answer, yet. I am undecided about the future after both boys start back to school. This all really hit me last night thinking that this being my last year with Max at home. I know I want to find my calling and finish college but I am just not sure as to what to go back for. Do you ever get a clear picture of exactly what it is the Lord wants you to do or is it just a trial and error thing? I just don't know?

I have recently followed an unlikely path. Just on a whim I did something I had always wanted to do. Is this how it starts?

I decided to take some cake classes and found that I really enjoy doing it! I love my creative side coming back to life and being able to share that with others. I guess it's not that much of a stretch since I love to cook and I love to decorate. So, why would putting the two together be any different?

I finally have started finding some of my old self return. The me before I became a mom. It's funny how one little thing can make such a difference in your perspective. Actually taking the time out to put energy in something I love for myself (even though it does benefit my boys because I can make their birthday cakes now) and not feeling guilty about it in the process. Am I the only one that feels that way when I do something for myself? Guilty? Anyway, just that one little act got me doing other crafty things, reading again, and enjoying myself more. I don't think I really realized how far away from myself I had gotten but I do feel like I am coming back.

Now, I don't know that cake decorating will be my life long dream job but I am enjoying it and actively pursuing it. I am even more appreciative that it has helped me come out of my mom slump!

Hello, Becky! Glad to see you coming back!

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